Pissed off

Portrait of an articulated skeleton on a bentwood chairSorry for the lack of post over the last few mount’s but as you all know My dad had a stroke and Hardtack back in November.  Dave had Emergency surgery,  Chad has had a Few problems with his mom and him self.

Now my B-Day is on the 18th the plan was for my sister to take my dad out camping (Yes give me a day off in 1 year) Well this is not going to happen.  He is now showing indications of a new stroke so I can not get the down time I need.  (I need to get my house clean but he is preventing that from happening)  I am also not getting the help I need.  My sister and my mother are the only 2 Direct famly members to give me help.  (All the others have gone thru a 3rd party makes me think some one is covering for them)  With all this going on we have lost supporters for the walk and now more people are down talking it like it is not going to happen.  I am doing the best I can to get some one to watch my dad 24/7 (Yes that means they can’t work)

Mow this gos back to my older brother.  Now he clames he could give $1000 a mounth to help but only if I have a job?  I ask how the FUCK is that to happen when my dad needs 24 hour care?  My only way of getting money was plasma donations (Note was) do to not having to work with some one elsos time system.  that gave me $280 a mouth where I could still keep a eye on my dad.  But now do to Stress I can not donate my at rest hart rate sits at a slow 107 BPM (Yes that is at rest)   I now am at a stroke risk myself if I let any more stress in.  (Risk starts at 120 BPM at rest)  Jest to let you all know before this all happend my BPM at rest was 60-65.

My Refrigerator is broken  ($60 for the part to fix it) run out of money around the 7th of the mounth do to medical bills (Can not get food stamps we make $10 too munch)  $45 per Doctor appointments not counting the $275 per ER Visit.  So Food I can only eat Evey other day and none on the weekends So my dad with his Restricted diet can eat 1 time every 2 hours.  (Yes I still have to make him his food like that and not eat myself)

I have to deal with getting treated like scum for not doing more.  I get told I am jest winning and need to toughen up.    But not one of these people are walking in my path right now.  and have no Idea for they are still stuck in there own little world.   For the most part I keep showing a good mood.  But this shit is killing me.  Yet I still want to give more and do this project too.  But People the lack of support from you is also getting to me on this project.  And yes Like I did state if I can find a sitter for my dad this is still on.

This summer I was not able to leave the houes (Yes as in go out side) do to my dad that too has played a tool on me.  The people I have been using for limited support are soon to be removed from the help list.  or contact list.  The reson is it is looking more like token help so they can say they helping.  When I know they could help more.  You do not go to Disneyland (Yes a famley member) yet only give (Well no money as far as I know) To help out.  You do not ignore phone calls/txt/E-mails. (This is 2 different people but still family)

Now mind you My Dad was one of the Safety nets I had in place.  It is now looking like the other ones I had are/where no good.  So it looks like I will have to rebuild the safety nets for the walk.

Sorry for being off topic but you all needed to see why I had not been posting keeping you posted.

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